I Ain't Sayin' She's a Coal Digger...

My favorite new show of the year is easily "Modern Family." It's sweet and yet hilariously funny at the same time.

If you haven't seen it yet, you should. I liked the pilot, as well as every episode since, but the most recent two episodes were particularly great.

From last week: "There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say 'that's messed up.'"

From this past week: "What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count."

Non-Rhetorical Bitchslapping!

"One Tree Hill" has never been one to shy away from good old fashioned fisticuffs. But the bitch-slapping? It's awesomely out of control.

In honor of a recent episode where Brooke got to hilariously say "Does Brooke Davis need to slap-a-bitch?" and Haley got arrested for assault, I present you with the two best bitch-slaps to ever grace "One Tree Hill."


First, we have my personal favorite. It's got a bunch of One Tree Hill staples in it. Brooke is vulnerable and emotional and just all-around awesome while calling bullshit when she sees it. Peyton's being even whinier and more annoying than usual. And then there's bonus insufferable and condescending Lucas to cap things off!





And next we have a very pregnant Haley venting her righteous fury. What's best about this slap, though, is that it's just the beginning of a slippery slope of violence for Haley. The next step, of course, involving going to your son's elementary school, calling the mom of the kid who is bullying him a Bitch, and then punching her in the face. And let's not forget the aforementioned assault that landed her in the slammer recently.

Haley! You're a big ole nerd! You should know better! It's just not a good idea to bitch-slap the pregnant woman claiming to be carrying your NBA star husband's offspring. Especially if she purposefully baits you. Because you know that bitch has the paparazzi staked out behind your car.

The Crazy Awesome That Is One Tree Hill

In the last year, I have developed a quite severe addiction to the superbly ridiculous prime-time soap "One Tree Hill." And it's been on my mind lately, so there are a lot of posts on the subject coming your way. (Including one entirely about non-rhetorical bitchslaps) So, here's a bit of a primer to the crazy awesome that is "One Tree Hill."

See, I enjoy it because I know, going into it that it's super ridiculous.

The first four seasons follow the so-called teens (most of the actors were well into their twenties when the show started AGES ago) through their junior and senior years of high-school. Then there was a 4-year gap for college (flashbacked to for the more major characters in the 5th season premiere). And then subsequent seasons (the seventh is currently airing) pick up from there.

I haven't seen the first two seasons in their entirety. Mostly because they involve a lot of bed-hopping and constant teen romance upheaval, which can get old real fast. And the show still thought Chad Michael Murray's Lucas was the main character. And I hate Lucas. Lucas sucks, big time.

Season three? Is easily my favorite. A main character gets murdered in cold blood by another main character! And one of the girls manages to spend the year finding out she was adopted, watching her bio-parent die of cancer, getting shot in a school shooting and nearly bleeding to death in the library, having a crazy psycho stalker pose as a fake long-lost half brother and still having room for an entire plot-line involving dating Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy (obviously before he knocked up and married Ashley Simpson). In one season!! And that's just one character, out of approximately ten. And that wasn't her entire storyline ether. Just the highlights.

Heh.

SOAP!!

And there's a crazy rich girl who apparently used to be fat before her Daddy had her entire body surgically altered into that of a skinny model all before the age of 16! I shit you not! Actual plot!

And the two 16 yr-olds who get MARRIED and spend one whole year working on repairing their MARRIAGE and another season fixing high-school sports games in order to support their family and trying to give a valedictorian speech without going into labor.

Oh! Oh! And the crazy psycho nanny! With her crazy house of torture located smacked dab next to a cornfield!

Heh. So much crazy. So much to love.