Book Review: Recent Reads #7

Title: Manhunting
Author: Jennifer Cruisie
Genre: Romance

Why I Picked It Up: I had a Barnes and Noble gift-card burning a hole in my pocket, had spent an hour browsing without any luck and found this early Crusie novel I had not yet read. And it had a cute cover. I'm a sucker for a cute cover. So buy it, I did.

Plot: Well, Crusie's got a good little intro over at her website on this one.

The little letter is great. It's published in the front of the book too and it got me jazzed to keep reading. The plot summary before the letter? Not so great. See, I thought the wording was pretty misleading and that all of her dates were ending up dead at the hotel resort and the handyman, Jake, thought she was the culprit. They're not. They're mostly just assholes who Kate keeps besting in hilarious ways. Like tossing drunks into pools, starting bar fights, and maiming anyone who gets between her and an excellent plate of mashed potatoes (understandable, really). Hee, much more interesting than dead bodies, really.

Review: I maybe kinda loved it. And I usually like, but don't particularly love, Crusie's earlier/shorter works. But this one was really funny. With all of the disastrous dates and resort encounters, the mornings spent lounging on the lake with Jake (avoiding the scarily ambitious resort social director), the afternoons spent maiming jerks, and the evenings spent hanging out with new friends and helping the totally awesome owner of the town bar improve her business... Kate had a fun adventure. And I got to read it!

And Crusie's right, the best friend was excellent. As they always are.

Book Review: Recent Reads #6

Title: Devil's Cub
Author: Georgette Heyer
Genre: Historical Romance/ Regency Romance

Why I picked it Up: Jennifer Crusie mentioned it once in her blog in an entry about rape in romance novels. And it sounded awesome.


Review: Oh my god. So awesome. So awesome.

Mary Challoner rules.

I've decided, in lieu of an actual review, to pretty much go through the opening plot in "Tabatha Speak." You may remember previous entries in that series including "Tabatha Paraphrases the plot of The Cutting Edge from the back of Amy's Parents' Van" and "Tabatha explains Abraham Lincoln to her 13-yr-old Sister" and the copious entries of "Tabatha retells Grimm's Fairy Tales using "bitch" and "fuck" a lot" from the college years.

So, basically, smart and sensible Mary Challoner has a really big problem. Her younger sister, Sophia, is a stupid tramp and her mother is a clueless pimp. Sophia, stupid tramp that she is, thinks that she's important enough that she can run off to Paris and sex it up with rich playboy Vidal and he'll be forced to marry her. Mary is not a half wit, she knows that that won't happen.

So she devises a plan to piss of Vidal and make it so he'll never want to see her dumbass sister again. The plan is pretty much on the same level of Jack Bauer robbing a convenience store to delay a terrorist. She takes off her mask and pretends to be a brazen hussy who was just fucking with him.

Unfortunately, she didn't anticipate how royally pissed off Vidal would be, and he forces her, by threat of excessive intoxication, to board his yacht and travel to France with him. At which point, three sheets to the wind, Vidal decides it's time for the tramp to make good and have sex with him. Unfortunately, he's too drunk to take Mary seriously when she tries to tell him that she's, in fact, not a dirty tramp... so she has to shoot him.

And thus. True Love.

Vidal's bottom line is that he may be a womanizing, dueling, violent asshole but ruining respectable women is crossing his moral boundary line, and he's going to mary Mary whether she likes it or not.

Mary's bottom line is that she's willing to take the repercussions of her actions, but she will not willingly enter into a dangerously lopsided marriage with a man who doesn't love her but with whom she's, against all logic, appeared to have developed feelings for. Because she's sensible like that.

A hilarious romp involving the two stubborn leads, various adventures across the French country-side, Vidal's ridiculously awesome mother (who was, apparently, the heroine of a previous romance novel in which she dressed like a boy and had a propensity for shooting people), Vidal's drunk uncle, and assorted other characters ensues.

Final Thought: Dude, the women in Heyer's novels are some of the feistiest, grounded, sensible, ass-kicking ladies I have ever encountered. If I have to wade through the nonsense trappings of the genre (flowery language and incessant detailed descriptions of regency-era fashions and manners) I will gladly do so just to get to spend time with these ladies. Luckilly, Heyer wrote a bazillion novels, so I've got plenty left to explore.

Movie Review: 27 Dresses

I've been trying to write a review of this movie for about three weeks now with no avail. (But I have GOT to get this terrible back-log of unfinished posts alleviated.. so here we go).

I was really excited about it. I'm a fool for fun chick movies. They make me smile, and that, in my opinion is well worth ten dollars of my getting-bitched-at-by-customers-all-day-long money. Well worth it.

I went to an early showing the week before it opened, got into the absolutely packed theatre, wedged myself between two middle-aged women, and sat back. And enjoyed myself. It was cute. I smiled and laughed pretty much the whole way through. And so did the entire damn theatre.

27 Dresses is a cute movie. There, I fucking said it. It's cute.

So why was I having trouble writing about it? The reviews. The reviews were all-around terrible on this one. Now, I know, mot people would just say "don't listen" but I am just not that sensible or mature. Plus, I personally read reviews to get a general feel for how a movie plays out. I've passed on a number of movies because I heard they were crap, and they turned out to be. Basically, the reviews were pissing me off and pushing my back against a wall.


What Worked: The main heroine was great. I liked her. I'd be friends with her. There's a reason 27 very diverse women asked her to be a bridesmaid, and it's not just because she's kind of a wedding doormat. She's also nice! She's nice and sweet and friendly and loves weddings. I didn't think she, or her obsession with weddings was at all cheesy. She's in love with the fairy tale, and until it happens, she'll be a part of other people's fairy tales.

My favorite bits involved Benny and the Jets, the cab driver, the hilarious best friend, the bridesmaid dress montages (I'm a montage whore!), and the continuous appropriate and warranted use of profanity. That last one? Yeah, whenever I found myself thinking What a bitch!" or "That guy's an asshole" the main character would go ahead and back me up. Out loud. It was awesome.


What didn't Work so Well: James Marsden was hardly cute at all. I know?! How is that possible?! (Side Note: One of the best parts of the film "The Heights" involves Marsden tearfully confessing to his fiance that long before he met her, he once had an affair with a notoriously slutty male photographer and she's comforting him and all "Honey, of course he wanted to sleep with you, look at you!" She ain't wrong. The man's pretty.)


The romance was pretty lame and underdeveloped. Also, the male lead was kind of an ass. A shabby ass too. At one point, the female lead is looking for him at a wedding and I'm just sitting in my chair mentally screaming "He's not hard to find! He's the asshole in jeans! He's always the asshole in jeans! He gets paid to attend weddings and he fucking always wears jeans! Because he's an asshole!" Which is not to say that I totally hated his character either, because I didn't.

Also, the title is really lame and that poster is just fucking terrible.


Overall: I thought it was cute, harmless, inoffensive girly fun.

Book Review: Recent Reads #4 and #5

Titles: Dairy Queen and The Off Season
Author: Iris Murdoch
Genre: Young Adult

Why I picked Them Up: I was browsing the library and saw Dairy Queen. I'd heard about it before and the cover appealed to me. It them sat in my car and room for a week and a half while I haphazardly browsed through it before actually reading it cover to cover. Then I ran to the library for the sequel.

Basic Plot: Both novels follow fifteen-year old D.J. Shwenk as she runs her family dairy farm (her father having thrown out his back the year before), trains the rival quarterback as a favor to a family friend (and because he's arrogant and stubborn and kind of cute and needs a lesson in hard work), learns to express and stand up for herself (and not "be a cow"), and deals with a devastating family tragedy.

Review: I seriously enjoyed these books. They made me smile (I've been saying that a lot lately but it's true none the less). it took me a while to get into the first one, but then D.J. started to freak out about how she's a [dairy] cow and how actually everyone she knows is a complacent, silent, do-nothing cow that I got hooked. And then she started making herself happy and I was a sucker.

The sequel is just as good as the original too. A serious family tragedy steers the last two thirds of the book, but it's not about the tragedy. it's about how, as a family, the Schwenks (primarily DJ, though) get through it. And how they do so is honest and complicated and painful and sad. But awesome.

Final thoughts: I don't know why, but I feel like I'm vomiting sunshine after this review.

The dark side of Matt Damon...

I've been writing blog entries! I have! I've got ten half-written blog entries queued up and idea after idea in the pipe-line. Unfortunately, I can't finish any REAL (this entry being unreal of course) entries because I just haven't got the time.

Because I'm reading Frederica and can't put it down! Can't! Not since the big lovable dog went rampaging about the park chasing cows! And now there's been a balloon accident!

Yeah... I'll explain later. For now, I bring you three hilarious Matt Damon clips.

First, Matt Damon brilliantly makes fun of Matthew McConaughey, who I cannot fucking stand. Right now, he's sitting on the bench next to Carey Elwes. The bench, of course, being for actors that most people don't feel very strongly about but that I just cannot fucking stand.

And here's Damon doing a pretty fantastic spoof of his infamous "Eurotrip" cameo. I usually can't stand Sarah Silverman in the slightest, but she gets a pass for this one.

And, here's the famous "Eurotrip" clip. For those uninitiated, affable Scott just got dumped by his seemingly perfect girlfriend that morning at his graduation. Rocking out ensues.

Book Review: Recent Reads #3

Title: Seeing Me Naked
Author: Liza Palmer
Genre: Chick Lit

Why I Picked It Up: Meg Cabot liked it. I picked it up in the bookstore and it didn't look shitty.

Context: I haven't really been into chick lit in a while. I pretty much got sick of the vapid twenty-something bimbo heroines who don't manage to get their shit together till the end of the novel once I started reading awesome romance novels about strong thirty-something women who find nice men and have fun adventures (and sex).

Basic Plot: Elizabeth is a somewhat trendy pastry chef with a father and brother (who is awesomely named Rascal and who looks and acts exactly like Jeremy Darling from Dirty Sexy Money inside my head) who are famous authors. She's a workaholic, has a some-what dysfunctional long-term on-again-off-again relationship with a globe-trotting journalist, and is starting to think about making serious changes to her life.

Review: I liked it. And I really didn't think I was going to.

I liked the heroine. I especially liked the complicated interactions she had with her family members (especially Rascal). And I liked sitting around watching her think things through and figure her life and promising new relationship with a cute basketball coach.

It was a nice, sweet book and it made me smile.


Superficial Assessments:
Title: Terrible. And really not very appropriate. I can see how it's connected and all... but no. Bad title.
Cover: So-so. I like the color. I especially like that it's not pink and doesn't have shoes on it (If the damn book's not about shoes... I don't want to see shoes on the damn cover!). The picture is unique and kind of interesting, but also kind of strange and odd.

Book Review: Recent Reads #2

Title: Thief of Time
Author: Terry Pratchett

Context: Thief of Time is my thirteenth venture into Terry Pratchett's Discworld Novels. I've read all of the "Watch" series, all of the Tiffany Aching books (Wee Free Men... etc), one of the Witches books, and Going Postal. So, you could say I've hopped around a bit. I tend to prefer Pratchett's later work, and the later three "Watch" books in particular.

Why I Picked it Up: This particular title wasn't recommended especially to me by anyone, but Jennifer Crusie loves Susan Sto-Helit, Dee Dee loves Death, Laura and Carrie love The Hogfather, and I loved Lu Tze and the History Monks in Night Watch. So, I picked it up on a whim.

Basic Plot: The Auditors (previous villains in the Death books who keep trying to destroy the world in order to clean it up and make it all neat and orderly) are trying to end everything by stopping time. The History Monks, a young-yet-promising apprentice, an old Sweeper, Death, and Death's reluctant adoptive grand-daughter Susan are thrown in the mix. Well the monks are investigating and Susan isn't thrown as much as "poked a little." And Death is busy attempting to rally the reluctant horseman of the apocalypse for a ride.

Random Thoughts:
(Yeah, Discworld books are really difficult for me to review, so I'm basically going to just stand over here and jump up and down and point excitedly at particular bits I liked.)

Hee. Fun. Very fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

"Dojo! What is rule one?!"
"Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man!"

Hee, excellent rule.

Death is kinda cool, Susan's pretty kick-ass but a little dull (even if she looks exactly like Dee in my brain), I liked the horsemen of the apocalypse, and death by chocolate is a great way to go.

Lu-Tze is awesome! I love that little bald man!

Also, yetis are really fucking cool.


Last thoughts: I really am going to read The Hogfather. I swear.

Moive Review: CLoverfield (Sorta... Not Really, No)

Public Service Announcement: Watching Cloverfield may cause nausea, dizziness, and vomiting...

Or not. It wasn't necessarily the movie's entire fault. I had just finished a ridiculously stressful work shift, am suffering from "improper draining of fluid" in my right ear along with my own personal upper respiratory infection, and had managed to drink an entire soda and consume half a box of Buncha-Crunch during the previews.

And it really was my own fault for not glancing at a single review for the film. I mean, I would have seen "Blair Witch" comparisons, gone "Shaky Cam! Fuck no!" and ran the other way.

But I didn't.

So Coverfield wins the honor of being the very first film I ever walked out on in a theatre. With walking of course being a euphemism for stumbling away hunched over and trying not to vomit till I could reach the bathroom. Yeah, I made it ten minutes or so into the film before having to rush out in a fit of dizziness and nausea and I then managed to make it a whole five minutes or so through before making my sister and her boyfriend take me home.

Luckily, my sister and I have been getting along fantastically lately (surprising no one more than the two of us), and her man Greg was totally fine with leaving. He was even all "I feel you, Tab, I was getting dizzy too. I think you need to be a teeny-bopper like Vicki to be able to follow that shit." To which my sister responded with a glare that he met with "What? You know you love Tiger Beat!"

So, not so terrible times. Except for the vomit.

So, here's a quick recount of the 80 books I can actually remember reading last year:

Series:
Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries (7 books)
Meg Cabot's Mediator Series (6 books)
Meg Cabot's Heather Wells Mysteries (3 books)
Susan Elizabeth Phillips' Chicago Stars Series (7 books)
Jim Butcher's Dresden Files (9 books)
Terry Pratchett's Discworld (10 books)
Shanna Swendson's Katie Chandler books (3 books)

I also read 16 other assorted romance novels, 9 sci-fi/fantasy, 4 chick lit, 5 Meg Cabot books not already categorized, and Sherman Alexie's Flight.

Yeah, that last one's pretty much an oddball. I really jumped hard on the romance/YA band wagon last year. Man.

I don't expect to read nearly as many novels in this new year. Mostly because I got lucky last year and stumbled head-first into a number of awesome previously-established series with a backlog of stuff for me to get acquainted with.

Irregardless, I'm going to try and post reviews and "series overviews" for the stuff I read last year in addition to every book I read this ¥ear (which I've already started with the previous Big Boned entry). The rationale behind all the book posts is that I'd like to have a record somewhere of my initial take and that I suck at reviews in general and need to practice. Ah, discipline. Bring it on, bitches.

Book Review: Recent Reads #1

Title: Big Boned
Author: Meg Cabot


Context: It's the third entry in Cabot's "Heather Wells Mysteries" series about a moderately chubby former pop star who works at a NY dorm with an alarmingly high death rate.


Review: Meh. I really wanted to like it. I mean, Heather Wells is easily my favorite of Meg Cabot's many heroines. She's grounded and funny and kicks ass.

This novel? Didn't kick enough ass.

It was boring in a lot of places, the central murder mystery was ridiculously unengaging, the resolution was predictable and (again) boring, Heathers graduate student was a gigantic pain-in-the ass, and the ridiculous amounts of coupledom were annoying (saved at one point by Heather hilariously commenting on it... but only to a point).

Overall, it just seemed like Cabot ran out of steam and got on board the derivative train. That sometimes happens with later entries in a Cabot series, though. She's said she recently thought up a plot for a fourth book (after previously stating that this would be the last one because she'd run out of Heather Wells story ideas) so hopefully she's thought up something new.

Worth Reading? Once, yes. As a library rental. Because Heather Wells is still awesome. Either way, I'd definitely recommend the first two novels ("Size 12 is Not Fat" and "Size 14 is Not Fat Either), because they fucking rock. Even though they have ridiculously stupid titles (and really fugly covers).

Introducing Pepper

Say hello to...

Pepper!



The newest addition to this overstuffed household.

She's a blue heeler (also known as an Australian cattle dog), and it's the same breed our other dog, Holly, is.

She's nice and docile and quiet. Except around Brown-Eyes, who keeps trying to choke her. I think he likes being able to beat someone in the house up. Well, I bet she bites him before the week's out, and he'll more than deserve it.





Aww, look at that face.

Mama Mia!

I haven't really liked a musical that was made in the last forty years or so. I mean, I fucking hated Grease, really didn't care for Hairspray at all... Moulin Rouge and Chicago were dramas, which really don't appeal to me at all.

Yeah, not really a fan.

I want to see this movie so badly! So badly!





Abba! Meryl Streep dancing and singing in overalls! Lily Kane!

It just looks pretty and sweet and funny and awesome.

Want to see, so badly.

And now, "Mama Mia" will be in your heads all week too! Hah!

Oh, musics...

I was trying to describe the types of music I like the other day and completely and utterly failed. "Umm, I don't like rap... I'm sorta into folky indie rock... um, like Wilco! You don't know who Wilco is? Well, crap... um, I did really like that latest Nelly Furtado album... and Bruce Springsteen... I just love him... yeah, I know he's old."

Really, conversation went nowhere. And I'm perfectly aware that my inability to communicate like an intelligent human being was the primary cause. Irregardless, my taste in music is still pretty difficult to describe. So, "like" and "don't like" lists it is!

I tend to like: soft edges, pretty and/or soothing vocals, funky lyrics, horn parts I can sing along too (and I ALLWAYS do), hooks, and lyrics I can sing along to

I tend not to like: extensive instrumentals, discordant and or harsh sounds of any kind really, whining, and emotionally cloying garbage

Those lists should be much longer. One day, they probably will be, that's just all I could think of at the moment.

Same as it ever was.

Number of mailboxes and I nearly took out on my way home: 3.

Number of mailboxes I actually hit on my way home: 0.

Woo.

Yup, we got our first snow of the year, today. And, this being my third winter driving in snow... I still pretty much suck at it. Although I still have not gotten into an accident of any sort, although I really should have a few times.

Stupid things I've done in the past in the snow: Spun my car around ninety degrees on a traffic-filled road/bridge (twice, actually), got my car stuck in my parking space and "bumped" one of my neighbor's cars, got my car so stuck in my parking space (by stupidly attempting to turn the wheel instead of backing out straight) that the cute handyman who was trying to plow around me took pity, climbed in, and backed my car out himself, got stuck on an ice patch on a hill at the Target and had to have the three drivers behind me push me up it, and kind of maybe swerved and drove a little bit into a field.

And those were only the ones I could think of on the top of my head.

And Pennsylvania? Yeah, we have hills. Hills are new. I've pretty much gotten the hang of going slow and shifting down into my lowest gear to get through heavy snow. Hills, though? Fuck. And it's really not possible to get from work to my house without going up a hill. A rather large one too. Oh, and then down one once I do get there. (From now on, I'm definitely avoiding roads with the word "Hills" in the name when there's ice).

Ah yes. I was in the home stretch today, got to our driveway, slid right past it, nearly took out the minister's mailbox next door, and successfully skidded my way into the lower drive. (I usually park on an incline on the grass, perpendicular to the main driveway). I have now claimed the lower drive as my snow space. The rest of the traffic coming in and out of this house can suck it.


Adventures in snow. Same as they ever are, really.

It can't just be me, right? Movies suck this year, right?

Last year, I saw forty-two theatrically-released movies. Forty-two!

(With last year's ratings, the only things I would change with a year's hindsight is that Rocky Balboa would be in the "liked" category and Step Up would most definitely be in the LOVE category. Rocky Balboa is a good film and a ridiculously excellent way to cap off the whole Rocky saga, but it just doesn't stand as well alone, when you haven't just watched a Rocky marathon. And man, Step Up just gets better every time I watch it. I love that silly dance movie so much. So much.)


This year? Twenty-five. And I only loved five of them.

Stomp the Yard
Catch and Release
Smokin' Aces
Music and Lyrics
Black Snake Moan
Hot Fuzz
Waitress
28 Weeks Later
Georgia Rule
Knocked Up
Live Free or Die Hard
Transformers
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
Bourne Ultimatum
Stardust
The Nanny Diaries
3:10 to Yuma
Dan in Real Life
American Gangster


Rentals/Dollar Theater Picks:

Happily N'ever After (Why I saw this at the dollar theater with Chris, I have no idea)
Because I Said So (Terrible, awful, romantic comedy rental)
Breach (Vince rental. Not bad, just kinda lackluster.)
Premonition (Truly terrible airplane movie.)
Grindhouse (1/2) (Watched with Dee at AJ's... zombie gore movies just aren't my thing)
Ocean's Thirteen (Meh, not a big fan of the heist movie genre)
The Namesake (Just rented a few days ago and quite liked)


Ok, this entry is finished! More on movies later!