Man Titty Fun Time!

So, I bought a 90's Johanna Lindsey romance novel at the charity book shop the other day.  The cover looks like this:

And then I flipped to see the splash page and...

Holy crap!  It's a genuine vintage Fabio cover!  I don't think I've ever actually read and/or owned one of those before.  Look at the man titty!!  And what the hell?  Is that a panther?  Why is there a panther?


Just glorious.  I really hope this book can live up to that artwork.

Cat Nuns For All

Just had to share.

So the family and I have been watching a lot of Doctor Who lately. They're watching it for the first time and I'm having a grand old time re-watching episodes I haven't seen in years. Everybody's enjoying themselves.

Anyway, we're watching the Season 3 episode "Gridlock" and the following image pops on screen:



I immediately yelled "CAT NUN!! YAY!!!" and everyone in my family looked at me like I had suddenly grown two heads.

What can I say? Apparently, I'm very enthusiastic about cat nuns.

Taking back my "Wow"

Amusing anecdote:

Earlier (i.e. five minutes ago because the joke won't be funny in another five minutes), I'm fiddling around with a trivia game on my iPhone when the category "Physics" comes up. Surprised and a bit impressed, I think "Wow. Really? Ok, let's do this." and wait for the question.

"The study of animals is called what?" pops up on the screen.

I want my "Wow" back.

Old Jokes Are The Best Kind

Silliness today is making me think of the best "mishearing" that I have ever accomplished.

The conversation, from about 5 years ago, went as follows:

- Wait, what did you just say?
- "My Mommy think I'm cute."
- Oh, ok. That's makes a lot more sense.
- Why? What did you think I said?
- "My monkey says Fuck You."


One of my finest moments right there.

Apparently, Jesus Walks

I woke up this morning with Kanye West rapping Jesus Walks in my head for no apparent reason that I can discern. (I also woke from yet another dream in which I was being pursued by a serial killer).

And then it continued. All. Damn. Day.

So, in an effort to get the earworm out of my brain... I pulled the song up on my ipod. And after it was done, Jesus Wrote A Blank Check by Cake started to play and, being a moron, my first thought was "Gosh, my ipod's found religion" and then my second, far more reasonable thought, was "...or I've got the shuffle feature turned off."

Want to know exactly how many songs starting with "Jesus" I have on my ipod? Three.

The best, and last to play, was Wilco's Jesus, Etc. I love singing that song.

So, how religious is your ipod?

Do you know ho many entry drafts are sitting in my blogger queue just from the last two weeks? Twelve. I've got like seventeen billion things to review.

But now I'm on my way out of the house to see Mama Mia. Dee said she'd see it with me but I have ants in my pants. Also, I spent the morning swimming with the kids so I have "Sexy Crinkly Tabatha Swim Hair" ( pretty similar to "Witchy Tabatha Rain Hair") and if there ever was a movie that needed to be seen while having "Sexy Tabatha Swim Hair," it's a fun musical set to Abba songs set on a tropical Greek island.

Ok, I promise to review something when I get back tonight.

(Hey, look! I updated the sidebar... with a to-do-list... yeah, this blog is so damn exciting.)

Quick Bits!

Some quick bits:

- I'm currently entirely addicted to 30 Rock. Everywhere I went on the internet last week seemed to be talking about how hilarious the "MILF Island" episode was. And it was pretty funny. Especially "eat my poo." I then went back and watched most of the second season from nbc.com and am currently working through the first season via netflix "instant play."

"I love Foxy Boxing! It combines two of my favorite things! Boxing and referees."


-Dude. Monster's Inc is so adorable. That little girl cracks me up. The boys just acquired that movie for 80 cents at a thrift store. Totally worth it.

- I excitedly bought Willow on my way out of work today and spent the afternoon trying to explain to 20-yr-olds who've never heard of it why a fantasy movie about midgets and sorceresses and fairies was awesome. I totally failed. But I'll watch it with the kids tomorrow.

- I bought a new-release chick-book because it had a Crusie quote on the front of it and I just can't hunker down and get into it. I think I'll wait till my day off on Sunday so that I can just buckle down in my chair and read most of it in one go.

-I totally lost my keys yesterday. At the house. After successfully driving myself home from work. And let me tell you, it wasn't nearly as funny as the time I threw them in my trunk and had to call AAA. It was damn frustrating. I mean, I checked the driveway, the ground near my car, the sandbox, the shoe shelf, every surface in the kitchen/dining room, the food cabinet, the fridge, every pair of pants I own, every sweater pocket, every friggin purse, and the entire front lawn. I even checked all of the holes Pepper had dug in the front lawn in case she had found and buried them.

They were on the fucking grill! The stupid, gray, overturned goddamn grill that's laying in the grass in front of the garage. My best guess is that I bent over to pet the puppy (who sits by it because it's as close as she can get to the kids' sandbox while on her yard leash) and I set them down. Fucking puppy. I knew she had to be involved.

-The other day, I told Pepper she was a bitch "both biologically and attitude wise." I was in the process of throwing her outside because she was barking at the vacuum (so annoying). It still cracks me up. It's probably not good that I find myself so amusing.

I do not like Green Eggs and Ham.

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

I had never read the book as a child. Then, I discovered a copy while cleaning out the kid's entertainment center downstairs and picked it up and started reading it to Blue-Eyes (who quickly started yelling at me that he already read that one in school). And it was totally awesome. I mean, this asshole Sam is being totally annoying and the narrator just keeps yelling at him that he doesn't like this bizarre disgusting food and I was totally waiting for the punchline where the narrator just can't take it anymore, goes ape-shit, and takes Sam out. And then the book got stupid. Because it turned out that the narrator never even tried the nasty pile of green grossness. And when he does, he doesn't even have enough righteous indignation at that asshole Sam to even pretend that it tastes like ass. He just has to teach children about the importance of not making rash judgment based on appearance. Like anyone's gonna learn that lesson before age 16 anyways.

All I'm saying is, if I had been the narrator, I would have shoved that plate right up Sam-I-Am's ass. And no one would blame me. Or be surprised in the slightest.

Same as it ever was.

Number of mailboxes and I nearly took out on my way home: 3.

Number of mailboxes I actually hit on my way home: 0.

Woo.

Yup, we got our first snow of the year, today. And, this being my third winter driving in snow... I still pretty much suck at it. Although I still have not gotten into an accident of any sort, although I really should have a few times.

Stupid things I've done in the past in the snow: Spun my car around ninety degrees on a traffic-filled road/bridge (twice, actually), got my car stuck in my parking space and "bumped" one of my neighbor's cars, got my car so stuck in my parking space (by stupidly attempting to turn the wheel instead of backing out straight) that the cute handyman who was trying to plow around me took pity, climbed in, and backed my car out himself, got stuck on an ice patch on a hill at the Target and had to have the three drivers behind me push me up it, and kind of maybe swerved and drove a little bit into a field.

And those were only the ones I could think of on the top of my head.

And Pennsylvania? Yeah, we have hills. Hills are new. I've pretty much gotten the hang of going slow and shifting down into my lowest gear to get through heavy snow. Hills, though? Fuck. And it's really not possible to get from work to my house without going up a hill. A rather large one too. Oh, and then down one once I do get there. (From now on, I'm definitely avoiding roads with the word "Hills" in the name when there's ice).

Ah yes. I was in the home stretch today, got to our driveway, slid right past it, nearly took out the minister's mailbox next door, and successfully skidded my way into the lower drive. (I usually park on an incline on the grass, perpendicular to the main driveway). I have now claimed the lower drive as my snow space. The rest of the traffic coming in and out of this house can suck it.


Adventures in snow. Same as they ever are, really.

Winter Wardrobe

Well, if there was any question about which seasonal wardrobe was my favorite... opening my "winter clothes" box just answered it.

Unpacking the box, I had the follow to say (to the clothes, logically):

"Winter coat... meh, you're ugly and too big. Will need to replace you one day."

"Hey ND and UC sweatshirts, you're nice and warm, welcome to my closet."

"Pizza scarf! How are you doing!? I've missed you so much! You need a better nickname than "pizza scarf" or "disease scarf." It's not your fault you attract pizza crusts and sickness like nobody's business. No harm, I still love you."

"White fleece! Hey! And your cousin red fleece! Nice to see you, good times ahead fellas."

"Sweater-coat! Oh, sweater-coat. I love you. Man, I love you. You're kinda ratty and getting a bit old, but I don't care if you still need to be fastened with a brightly-colored paper clip, you cover my ass and keep me warm all winter. Plus, you have a hood! I shall love you forever, really."

Yeah, all of those thoughts popped into my brain. Then I thought, "My god, I'm insane". Then I thought, "Ok, yes, I am insane, and I should definitely write that shit down."

Voila.