Cat Nuns For All

Just had to share.

So the family and I have been watching a lot of Doctor Who lately. They're watching it for the first time and I'm having a grand old time re-watching episodes I haven't seen in years. Everybody's enjoying themselves.

Anyway, we're watching the Season 3 episode "Gridlock" and the following image pops on screen:



I immediately yelled "CAT NUN!! YAY!!!" and everyone in my family looked at me like I had suddenly grown two heads.

What can I say? Apparently, I'm very enthusiastic about cat nuns.

A Little Naked Pool To Soothe The Soul

Had a really tense and awful day on the back of weeks of tenseness and worry.

The bright spot of my day? This:












Community. Funniest comedy on television at the moment. Hands down.

Yet Another Guilty Pleasure

Just what I needed in my life. Another guilty pleasure.

I have an unjustifiable fondness for "candid" or "day-in-the-life" reality shows.

Yeah, I admitted to it.

You would think, after falling madly in love with shows called One Tree Hill and The Vampire Diaries (though that one is getting an entire post on why it's actually balls-to-the-wall fabulous and not a guilty pleasure at all), there would be little to be embarrassed by. Oh, how you'd be wrong.

I have watched two entire seasons of The Real Housewives of New York City, the entire first season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, every episode of Kendra, a slew of episodes of The Girls Next Door, the entire Rachel Zoe Project, and most of the last season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Pheww. I admitted it out loud, and it's ok.

They're not the worst the genre has to offer, but there's only occasional redeeming moments to most of them (and none at all to RHONJ). A couple of points in their favor: I love Bethenny Frankel and Kendra Wilkinson. They're both incredibly entertaining and seem genuine. I got to see a woman scream "Prostitution Whore!" and throw a table on RHONJ. Kendra and Rachel Zoe have the two most supportive and loving husbands on reality television. And the Kardashians brought a surprisingly emotional and touching episode involving the birth of Kourtney Kardashian's son. I will never forget watching her reach down and literally pull him out of her body by his shoulders. It needs to be seen to be believed.


So, what brought on this post? Well, I spent $1.99 on itunes today and purchased the latest episode of Bethenny Gettign Married?, the new spin-off to RHONY. And I did not regret a penny of it.


Ok, it's bedtime now because I've recently discovered that if I go to bed before midnight, then I don't wake up in the morning from crazy-ass nightmares. More on why Bethenny Getting Married? is actually an awesome show tomorrow.

Crazy Stalkers and Flame Engulfed Pianos, Oh My!

Oh, I am so thankful "One Tree Hill" is back on air in all of it's crazy glory.

It's stalker time again! It's been a whole two seasons since OTH has had an obsessive stalker! And this one? This one is a mental patient off her lithium meds who happens to be identical in appearance to a character's dead wife (because they're played by the same actress, naturally). And she was last seen stealing his wedding video and re-enacting it on her sofa. Heehee, oh the soapy goodness.




Oh, and did you know that depression could lead you to accidentally spill your martini on your piano but then intentionally set fire to it with the lit candles you keep on top of said piano while you're playing it? Well, then this public service announcement was for you. Now you know.

Goddamn you, fictional Britta.

Well, there was a clear winner to yesterday's "which is a worse brain worm?" question.

"Getting rid of Britta was the hardest thing to do. But when someone's a bitch and a liar there ain't nothin' left to woo..."

"Britta's a B! (Not a C.) Brita's a B!"

Jesus Christ, so catchy. Can't get it out of my damn brain.

Brain Poison for Everyone!

Because I happened to fortuitously be watching this when A. sent me a horrible text message designed to put pure evil into my brain, I dedicate it to her.

Congrats, you're a G.D.B.




While you're watching horribly catchy ditties from the past week of television, here's Taylor Swift being cute/hilarious on SNL:




I'm not entirely sure which one is harder to get out of my head, "I'm getting rid of Brita... she's a G.D.B!" or "I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me." But luckily, both thwart the intent of the text-message of awfulness that was sent to me:


Keyword Search: SYTYCD and Battlefield


Which song is now stuck in your head?!?

I Ain't Sayin' She's a Coal Digger...

My favorite new show of the year is easily "Modern Family." It's sweet and yet hilariously funny at the same time.

If you haven't seen it yet, you should. I liked the pilot, as well as every episode since, but the most recent two episodes were particularly great.

From last week: "There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say 'that's messed up.'"

From this past week: "What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count."

Non-Rhetorical Bitchslapping!

"One Tree Hill" has never been one to shy away from good old fashioned fisticuffs. But the bitch-slapping? It's awesomely out of control.

In honor of a recent episode where Brooke got to hilariously say "Does Brooke Davis need to slap-a-bitch?" and Haley got arrested for assault, I present you with the two best bitch-slaps to ever grace "One Tree Hill."


First, we have my personal favorite. It's got a bunch of One Tree Hill staples in it. Brooke is vulnerable and emotional and just all-around awesome while calling bullshit when she sees it. Peyton's being even whinier and more annoying than usual. And then there's bonus insufferable and condescending Lucas to cap things off!





And next we have a very pregnant Haley venting her righteous fury. What's best about this slap, though, is that it's just the beginning of a slippery slope of violence for Haley. The next step, of course, involving going to your son's elementary school, calling the mom of the kid who is bullying him a Bitch, and then punching her in the face. And let's not forget the aforementioned assault that landed her in the slammer recently.

Haley! You're a big ole nerd! You should know better! It's just not a good idea to bitch-slap the pregnant woman claiming to be carrying your NBA star husband's offspring. Especially if she purposefully baits you. Because you know that bitch has the paparazzi staked out behind your car.

The Crazy Awesome That Is One Tree Hill

In the last year, I have developed a quite severe addiction to the superbly ridiculous prime-time soap "One Tree Hill." And it's been on my mind lately, so there are a lot of posts on the subject coming your way. (Including one entirely about non-rhetorical bitchslaps) So, here's a bit of a primer to the crazy awesome that is "One Tree Hill."

See, I enjoy it because I know, going into it that it's super ridiculous.

The first four seasons follow the so-called teens (most of the actors were well into their twenties when the show started AGES ago) through their junior and senior years of high-school. Then there was a 4-year gap for college (flashbacked to for the more major characters in the 5th season premiere). And then subsequent seasons (the seventh is currently airing) pick up from there.

I haven't seen the first two seasons in their entirety. Mostly because they involve a lot of bed-hopping and constant teen romance upheaval, which can get old real fast. And the show still thought Chad Michael Murray's Lucas was the main character. And I hate Lucas. Lucas sucks, big time.

Season three? Is easily my favorite. A main character gets murdered in cold blood by another main character! And one of the girls manages to spend the year finding out she was adopted, watching her bio-parent die of cancer, getting shot in a school shooting and nearly bleeding to death in the library, having a crazy psycho stalker pose as a fake long-lost half brother and still having room for an entire plot-line involving dating Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy (obviously before he knocked up and married Ashley Simpson). In one season!! And that's just one character, out of approximately ten. And that wasn't her entire storyline ether. Just the highlights.

Heh.

SOAP!!

And there's a crazy rich girl who apparently used to be fat before her Daddy had her entire body surgically altered into that of a skinny model all before the age of 16! I shit you not! Actual plot!

And the two 16 yr-olds who get MARRIED and spend one whole year working on repairing their MARRIAGE and another season fixing high-school sports games in order to support their family and trying to give a valedictorian speech without going into labor.

Oh! Oh! And the crazy psycho nanny! With her crazy house of torture located smacked dab next to a cornfield!

Heh. So much crazy. So much to love.

The Week In TV

The fall television season has barely started. But I've been working on my Christmas knitting and needed some background noise so I watched a helluva lot of CW trash tv this week. And most of it was BORING.

One Tree Hill: Ugh, so BORING. This is an infinitely ridiculous over-the-top soap opera of a show and was my guilty pleasure of choice last year. This premiere was lame. Nothing happened. And Haley's outfits were just awful. They need another psycho stalker to come in and spice things up.

Gossip Girl: I took a break from this show last year because it stopped being awesome. This was not a return to form. Chuck and Blair were stupid and gross. Vanessa was her usual self-righteous self. Serena did stupid crap and lied about it for stupid reasons, and had sex with a tool. Again! And it was all incredibly BORING.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Something that wasn't boring. It wasn't riveting or anything and it lacked my favorite part of the series, which involves the dressing of actual celebrities, but Rachel's husband is the best reality show husband ever. He's all realistic, supportive, and obviously loves his wife. Even if she takes forever to get dressed and isn't great at sticking to his "no shopping" decree.

Melrose Place: Guess what? Also BORING. Well, except Katie Cassidy's publicist character. Jealousy? Boring. Prostituting to get through med school? Boring. Larceny? Boring. Sex-ing one's self up to get a job? Boring. Birth-Momma drama? Boring. Not killing your landlady even though she totally had it coming? Extremely Boring.

The Beautiful Life: Models? Turns out they're not that interesting. But, this show overall wasn't bad. Dumb, but bland. I actually like the lead actress and Mischa Barton's character. I know, Mischa Barton! Who was so unbelievably awful on "The O.C." I can't really believe it either.

Supernatural: Heh, "God God, Y'all!" Excellent title. And Ellen Harville! Wee! And Dean Winchester actually using his brains for once, yay! I love Supernatural.

Ace of Cakes: Um, they made cakes? I think I've been watching too much of this show and am starting to burn out. But they have been featuring Ben a lot recently and I am loving him. (Not as much as I love Geoff, of course, but loving nonetheless.)

Project Runway: Oh, Tim Gunn. "I'm woeful, Johnny!" Loved the outfits and challenge. Didn't really care for the ramped up drama. Loved the Tim Gunn. Even more so than usual.

Fringe: It feels like J.J. Abrams has found his footing and I'm excited to go along for the ride. "Is he really crazy?" "Oh, definitely." The only problem with this is it shares a timeslot with both Supernatural and Grey's Anatomy, so it automatically gets the Hulu watch the next morning.

America's Best Dance Crew: The Madonna performance was lame. The N'SYNC one was phenomenally awesome. The Afroborike performance was skanky (as usual). And I skipped the last one because it involved Chris Brown.



How proud of myself am I for actually finishing and publishing this before the next tv week starts? So damn proud.

Next week's potential highlights: HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm excited.

Realty Show Whore

I'm trying to post regularly in here but I have a really bad habit of writing but not quite finishing up so I've got an amazing backlog of about a hundred (sadly, not an exaggeration) unfinished drafted posts that I'm going to try and polish up and spit out. (There's probably a less gross way to phrase that but I chose not to explore that route.)

Anyway, this first one's fairly relevant since I wrote it only a few weeks ago and I spent a good deal of this past Sunday watching a marathon of the fourth season of Hell's Kitchen with friends.

So, I was sitting at the kitchen table voting on TWOP's Tubey Awards (or at least on the preliminary nominees? I don't know. It involved judging and clicking so I was all for it) and I was having fun. I watched a decent amount of tv this past year (way more than a normal human being, way less than I used too, but significantly more than the previous year) so I had a variety of choices to pick from but there weren't many tough calls.

Then, the "Best Reality TV Show Host or Judge" pops up and the shit hit the fan.

"Ooh, Adam Shankman... I love him... Oh crap! Cat Deeley! How do I pick? ... Well, who else is... Gordon Ramsey, Jesus Christ... John Barrowman's in this damn category? Well, I don't think I could watch that show so I can pass on that one... RuPaul versus Tim Gunn?!"

I ended up picking RuPaul cause she's awesome and was a great host.

Gordon Ramsey would have won for Kitchen Nightmares but he doesn't do a whole lot but scream constantly and call people stupid cows and donkeys on "Hell's Kitchen" (which is way more entertaining than it has any right to be) and Shankman and Deeley canceled each other out ... though I would have picked Lil C in an instant if he'd been a contender.

Oh, and then Nigel Lythgoe won my vote for "Worst Reality TV Show Host or Judge" without a moment's hesitation. Because he's a pervy old man who is constantly pushing his "strict gender roles in dancing" agenda on an otherwise pretty awesome show.


(For those who don't know: The last four people mentioned are all from "So You Think You Can Dance." Deeley is the incredibly adorable host. Lythgoe's the executive producer and a main judge. Shankman is a regular guest judge. And Lil C is a regular choreographer and guest judge... and his wikipedia page jut told me he was in Stomp The Yard and now I really want to pull out my dvd.)

My first response to this story about Brian Austen Green potentially joining the cast of One Tree Hill in the fall was "Noooooooooooo! You're too good for that, Brian Austen Green!"

Which is stupid (my reaction, not the potential news) for many reasons, including that:

• Brian Austen Green is most famous for playing a dorky guy on quintessential teen soap 90210
• I actually managed to fall madly in love in the past year with the crazy awesome that is One Tree Hill
  
• Brian Austen Green would be on my tv on a show I love... and awful Chad Michael Murray won't be! Nothing wrong with that!

Yeah, I don't think I've mentioned before how much I love Brian Austen Green. And it was all from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, where he managed to play the second best character on a mediocre show. And he was a total frickin badass. And really nice to look at.

There's too many mother uckers ucking with my shiiiiiiiiiit. Too many to count. Mother uckers!

I haven't watched a single Flight of The Conchords episode all of the way through besides the Bowie one, but when I catch pieces, I'm usually amused. Like now.

My favorite part is that Brett's tirade about apples is so explicit that the only words not beeped out in the middle are "Granny Smith," "avocado," and "mango." Heh.


Oh, and as a bonus, here's a ridiculously awesome Footloose tribute/parody. Oh, Kevin Bacon.

I Call Shenanigans

Burn Notice is one of those shows I enjoy when I see it, but I don't follow regularly (which is becoming more common for me, actually). I should catch up with the season 2 dvd's.

Michael's "How To Be A Spy On The Cheap" tutorials are easily my favorite parts of the show. So, in honor of new episodes starting to air tonight, you get a clip of one of my favorites:



http://www.hulu.com/watch/30453/burn-notice-bad-blood?c=1645:1737

Blackpool!

It's been a long while since I've been completely obsessed with something... and then my friend A. had to go and discover Blackpool. And we spent the whole weekend watching it. And re-watching the you-tube clips. And listening to the soundtrack repeatedly in the car. (Those last two were mostly me, though).

Oh, Blackpool.

So frickin awesome.

For those not familiar with random-ass british television. Blackpool is a 6-episode musical drama series revolving around bastardly gaming-house owner Ripley Holden, his family (unhappy wife, whiney daughter, and drug-dealing teenaged son), a murder, and the investigating detective.

The twist? Did you catch the word musical?

Oh yeah. Each episode contains 3-4 musical numbers/fantasy sequences featuring the cast members singing and dancing along with (mostly) well-known tunes. And more than half of those numbers feature middle-aged men singing women's parts and dancing with each other. Yeah, totally awesome.

Odd as hell. But totally awesome.


As for clips, YouTube doesn't have my favorite one (Ripley breaking out into The Supreme's "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" in front of the planning commission) but it does have most of the ones featuring David Tennant.

So, the one with the best song (and most hilarious ending) is here:

The one with the best choreography is here.

And the only one featuring two men angrily tangoing to a country music standard is here.

You would think, given the amount of television I watch, it would be near impossible for me to discover shows on dvd that I haven't yet seen.

I'm currently totally enthralled in the demon-hunting adventures to be found in "Supernatural." I just finished the second season, am waiting for netflix to send me the third one, and am mostly caught up on the current fourth season.

The show is basically a never-ending male-bonding road trip revolving around two seriously attractive brothers who drive around in a totally awesome car, listen to a steady stream of classic rock, and... oh yeah... hunt demons and other supernatural baddies while trying to connect with their rogue father who has spent the last twenty years being singularly obsessed with tracking down and killing the demon who murdered his wife and burnt his house down.

Most episodes find the brothers investigating paranormal crimes (most often grisly murders), lying through their teeth with only charisma, fake IDs, and occasional costumes (see photographic evidence below) at their disposal.

I tuned into the first handful of episodes when it first came out (it's currently in a looming-apocalypse-themed 4th season). It was entertaining, but I didn't get hooked and eventually wandered off. I found the first season entertaining but didn't get hooked until the ridiculously awesome first third of season 2. The show can be kind of uneven. For episode that's ridiculously awesome there's one that's flat and cheesy. But the awesome ones are totally worth it.

Dean Winchester? Easily one of my favorite tv characters ever.

Here's a quick sample clip that not only showcases the funny, but a little bit of the brother interaction as well:

And this seriously cheesy link's for my friend C. and her remarkable ability to capture hilarious screen captures of attractive men, because the middle of the video features approximately 30 back-to-back shots of Dean pouting:

Tis the Season

Well, the fall tv season is in full swing now.

I'll definitely be watching every week: Gossip Girl, Privileged, Dirty Sexy Money, Friday Night Lights

Will keep tuned into: True Blood, Fringe, Pushing Dasies, 30 Rock, Top Design

At least, that's the line-up for now. We'll see how the season goes.

And yes, to respond to a comment Laura made, I'm interested in watching "Tabatha's Salon Take-Over" because Tabatha Coffey is awesome. She's smart and talented and a seriously entertaining bitch on wheels. And us Tabatha's stick together. I just haven't gotten around to it yet, but I can imagine watching a bunch in a row on a slow Sunday afternoon or something.

I want to talk about how Gossip Girl is crazy-mad-fucking-awesome this year. (Evil Serena! Impending cat-fight of terror! Woo!) And about how Privileged is fluffy adorable fun. And how Fringe is kind of boring me but I'm really hoping it starts to explode all over the place oncethe building blocks are establshed. And lastly, how Top Design is seriously entertaining this time around. But, I also want to watch the Dirty Sexy Money premiere, clean up my i-pod for tomorrow's Ithaca-bound road trip, pack my red duffel, put my laundry away, and go to sleep within two hours... so no more blogging tonight. Probably.

Hysterical Ammounts of Racism

Alec Baldwin is absolutely hysterical on 30 Rock.

For those who haven't watched the show previously (I'm assuming anyone reading this), the only set-up you need is that Jack (Alec Baldwin) is an NBC executive, Tracy Morgan is the bat-shit crazy star of a popular sketch comedy show, and Jack's dragged him down to therapy because he's been acting out and doing whatever Jack tells him not to (all "you're not my father!").

The poor therapist has to sit through the following in sheer horror:

"Mind your own damn business, Mrs. Rodriguez!"

"Lady, just because I'm an ignorant black man and you paid me a nickle to bust up your shifarobe doesn't give you the right to call me ridiculous just because I'm proud of my son."

Butt-Fugging-Ugly

Ok, a quick word in about Project Runway. I haven't even watched the past week's episode yet, but I've seen photos.

Everyone keeps saying that the designers this season seriously suck. They're not wrong. There's pretty much only three or four of them with any talent at all.

Evidence:



Yeah, this was not the loser last week. In fact, it wasn't even considered the second worst.

I hate Kenley so damn much. I hate her stupid damn face and her stupid damn Betty-Page hair. And everything she designs is butt-fugging-ugly. But that? Is so damn atrocious. God, I think I hate it more than Vincent's trash dress from season 3. And now I'm ashamed of myself.

Ugh.

TV Thoughts

The new tv season had begun! Wee!


So far, I rather liked the pilot of HBO's new vampire show True Blood. It's on cable, so it has the requisite oddness, persistant use of the f-word, and plenty of sex and nudity. And although I don't care much for vampires, it also has a psychic main character. And we all know how I feel about psychics (LOVE them).

Assorted Observations:

• I like Sookie. I love how she gets all stupid and googly-eyed whenever Bill the Vampire is around. And how she totally choked that evil bastard with the chain (psychically, right? the him not being able to get it off part? it was unclear, though).
• "You just shut your nasty mouth, mister. You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me you will talk to me like the that lady I am." (The southern inflection on the last three words is really what kills)
  
• I hate her best friend. I both hate the character and the wooden actress (Side note: she was in the truly awful dance movie "How She Move" and she was awful in it).
• The bar-owner guy is really attractive. I'm always a fan of that.
  

I watched half of the pilot of 90210 but just wasn't interested. Also, the girls are all dangerously skinny skeleton girls and I just can't get behind that. I like to read the TWOP recaps at work... but I doubt I'll watch any more of it.

I made my way through the first episode of this year's Prison Break for one reason and one reason only. Dr Sara's back! Eee! Oh, well, and also cause I read that T-Bag eats a guy... but I didn't even keep watching till that happened. I haven't followed this show steadily for over a year and I really don't think that's bound to change now. Unless I hear about Dr. Sara doing something awesome... I can't resist. I love her so much.

Bonus: The TWOP take on Prison Break's return. First, the list of crazy-ass shit they compiled the week before the season premiere. And then there's this summary of T-Bag's plot:

"Meanwhile, T-Bag chews a lot of desert scenery in his blood feud quest for Michael. He also chews his former traveling companion. That's right -- T-Bag ends up in the desert thanks to some untrustworthy coyotes, and after his traveling companion dies in a freak accident, T-Bag roasts and eats him. Is there some way that you haven't violated the laws of God and man, T-Bag? Are you planning necrophilia for November sweeps, or will that have to wait until May?"

I didn't really care for the Bones premiere either. I missed most of the last season, but I was caught up on the major plot points. It just felt kind of lackluster to me. And if Angela and Hodgins don't figure out their shit and get back together, I'll be seriously pissed. (Although I did like that they didn't break up because of Angela's ex but because of their own individual insecurities and issues).


Next Batch of reviews to feature Gossip Girl, Privileged, Fringe, and Top Design. Possibly to be up later today... but the dentist prescribed me Vicodin... so maybe not.